As women, it’s so easy for us to feel hurt by the actions or apathy of someone you love – be it your boyfriend, spouse, child, boss or friend. This is especially so when they haven’t met our expectations.
Automatically we mentally shift gears and start to collect evidence to prove our theory. As we do this, the Universe also accommodates our new mission – show evidence to match these new beliefs while also matching the beliefs of the person who perpetrated the feelings of hurt upon us.
And here is where it gets all crazy! Your perpetrator may be merrily living their life, blissfully unaware of our thoughts and emotional reactions. And what do we do?
We feel injustice and create havoc, just to be “correct” again, and have the upper hand.
This reaction may create more distance if your partner is looking at your behavior and cannot see the possible reasons to got you to where you are. Or they may look beyond it to see the pattern that created the trigger, and together you have a stronger, better, more loving relationship because of it.
Let’s make that explanation more visual!
So, for instance: You always spend time together daily, but one day you notice him talking to someone else. You feel like you are not top priority. You leave each other abruptly to take care of your daily responsibilities. This new train of thought begins to consume your mind: I don’t like being ignored. How dare he act in that manner?
You decide to avoid him the next day. You expected him to call you, but he didn’t.
You call the next day and the number rang out! Now you are raging mad! Your mind continues your train of thought….with vengeance.
Here is what might have happened to fit your new reality: Your partner may have gotten an unexpected role to fill out of town for the office, (or he may confirm your fearful thinking) and his phone broke (this is the Universe mirroring a communication break-down between both of you).
This situation matches your fears and makes him unavailable.
So, what do you do, if you are in the initial space where everything fell apart and you are not sure of yourself and the status of your relationship?
First, I’d suggest that you do some form of physical self-care to soothe your body, mind and soul. Some ideas are: visit the spa, salon, attend yoga classes, go for a swim, take a long soak in the bath-tub, listen (and dance) to your favorite music, and read or meditate – if you can! This shifts the heaviness in your body, mind and heart out of your system.
Then, proceed to shift your thinking! Journal about everything that runs through your head. You can write about your current feelings, and what you would prefer. Realize that the Universe is trying to communicate something to you! You won’t have experienced this situation if there was some nugget of wisdom in it for you. What is the blessing in disguise? Are you judgmental and controlling or is it that the person isn’t quite the right fit for you? What can you do to show up as a better version of yourself?
And the last tip? Communicate clearly! This whole episode can just be a form of smoke and mirrors. Don’ t take it personally! It was created to match your fears as well as show you how to be a better version of you. This also goes for your partner, though your lessons may be at opposite ends of the spectrum!
Communicate your needs and create a habit of addressing your feelings so that they don’t become toxic. This is where your work lies.
Know that everything is always, always working out for your Highest Good. Because….the Universe synchronizes every single detail perfectly to fit our vibrational frequency and the life lessons that we all are supposed to get.